a blessing for when your family disappoints you

God, the very people who are supposed to
love me and know me best have let me down.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a way forward.

I’m losing my sense of home
and the reality of it fills me with a kind of fear.
However big, however small,
this pain feels unforgivable.

I know they’re only human (really, I know),
but their mistakes feel like they echo through me.

They strike a painful chord that rings on and on,
and I feel convinced, all at once, that I am not loved.
Not known.
Not safe.
I feel small all over again.

So bless me, God,
when tears prick at my eyes and I feel lost to myself
Bring me home.

Remind me of the places you’ve brought me,
the person I’ve become,
when I can feel your light and peace.

Forgive them for me when I can’t.
And send some grace for this moment
to keep my heart from breaking,
or my temper from rising,
or any sentence starting with “YOU ALWAYS…”

You remember me when I am a stranger to myself
and an outsider at my own address.
God, bring me home.